


no frogs were harmed in the making of this fic, only a certain prince's fragile ego

by inverse



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, froge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 04:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14127615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inverse/pseuds/inverse
Summary: The bros discover a frog after a tough battle. It's so adorable. They take care of it.





	no frogs were harmed in the making of this fic, only a certain prince's fragile ego

“Aww, look at him,” cooed Prompto. Nested within Gladio’s large hands, the frog looked almost comically diminutive, like a miniature garden sculpture. It croaked a low, sad note, as if resigned to its fate, and flinched when Prompto reached out to poke its vocal sac with one busy finger. “How tiny!”

“I ... haven’t a recipe for frogs,” said Ignis. “But I heard that they are a delicacy in some parts of Accordo, and that they are delicious stewed or curried. Perhaps I could ask around when we get to Altissia.”

The frog panicked visibly at this, hopping around in Gladio’s palms and letting out a surprisingly loud screech.

“Are we sure it’s even a frog at all,” Gladio said, voicing his doubt. “Looks like it’s more of a toad. See those feet there? Characteristic of the marsh dwellers of Duscae. Those things get real hideous when they turn big, with spots and bumps and all, very menacing. Looks like this one here’s a young adult, since it’s so small.”

“Oh, poor thing,” Prompto sighed pitiably, looking at the creature with misty eyes. “It’s okay, little froggy. We’ll still love you no matter what.”

“Weren’t you paying attention? Gladio already said — it’s a toad,” frowned Ignis.

They drove to the nearest rest stop because the sun was about to set, and because they were filthy from that fight with the nagarani. They should have known not to tackle that dungeon without preparing for it beforehand, but it was fortunate that all of them made it out unscathed. Gladio was tired from holding off the daemon while the rest of them charged up for close-range attacks, so it was just as well that the backseat of the Regalia was so roomy — he could really stretch his legs and relax. Prompto held on to their new amphibian friend, which did not seem to be too pleased to be prodded over and over again in its sensitive areas.

“Prompto, why are you putting it on the dashboard?” asked Ignis, hastily pulling down the roof of the Regalia as Prompto snapped away on his camera. “That thing probably weighs less than a hundred grams. The wind could easily carry it away.”

“Yeah, and then it would get eaten by a bigger toad, like those gigantoads we always see in the forests,” lamented Gladio. “Even a mild-mannered chocobo would find it to be a delicacy. Scrawny li’l thing’s got no chance against the law of the jungle, sadly.”

“But it made such a good model,” Prompto said, “staying still all obedient and everything, like it understood all my directions.”

“Maybe it’s got superhuman intelligence, in which case we could sell it for a pretty penny,” Ignis considered.

“Maybe it’s just really vain,” Prompto speculated, at which point the toad launched itself at his face in a sad and futile attack.

They stocked up on supplies at the rest stop, and then took out a few dishes from the diner to be had in the comfort of their motel room. The toad rested miserably on the writing desk, as if tired of its own pathetic existence, and croaked morosely every once in a while. It tried to nip at a dish of fried garula cutlets, but Ignis offered it a forkful of stir-fried peppers instead, saying, “Meat is poison to your species,” and it deflated instantly.

“Okay, I think we should put him out of his misery,” said Gladio. “This is just sad to watch now.”

Sniggering, Prompto uncapped the Maiden’s Kiss they’d bought earlier, placed the wriggling toad on one of the double beds, and poured the potion into its broad, eagerly awaiting mouth. Noctis reappeared in a puff of smoke, looking utterly scandalised. The bed creaked and sagged with the newfound weight.

“Welcome back,” said Ignis. “We were thinking of volunteering you as a research sample to Professor Yeager. She pays well, after all. But we had second thoughts.”

“Very funny, guys,” Noctis sulked.

“Hopefully you’ll listen next time when we tell you that we’re woefully underprepared to explore, Your Highness,” Gladio said smugly. “Thank goodness none of us were heavily injured, and the worst that happened was that someone got turned into an animal that was only capable of sitting around and croaking, and nothing much else.”

“We were passing by the area anyway, we might as well have seen if there was anything to salvage,” Noctis scowled, face reddening in defensiveness.

“Were you really posing just now? In the car. Because I totally thought you were posing,” said Prompto. “You wanna see those photos? You were very photogenic. Ready for your close-up and everything, buddy.”

“I hate you all,” Noctis said as he got up from the bed and headed for the bathroom. Ignis handed him a towel as he passed by.

“Think that guy in Lestallum who always buys our photos will take them? Put them in a nature magazine or something?” Prompto wondered aloud.

“We’re going fishing for the whole of tomorrow, and none of you are allowed to say anything about it,” Noctis snapped before he slammed the door shut.

“The prince of pettiness,” said Gladio.

**Author's Note:**

> check out this [croaky frog](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmqtJdqyGZQ). or this [screamy toad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiKmqtZDo_c). cat videos who?????


End file.
